


Dreaming (With A Broken Heart)

by GreyBlueSkies21



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Alex needs a hug, Angst, F/M, I'm Sorry, Post Episode: s06e24 Death And All His Friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-18 16:30:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13685454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreyBlueSkies21/pseuds/GreyBlueSkies21
Summary: Alex has a million things he wants to tell Izzie.But she's gone.





	Dreaming (With A Broken Heart)

 

**Lie**

[ li ]

NOUN 

lies (plural noun) 

 

1\. an intentionally false statement: 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

He loses himself in a world of unblinking eyes and brain matter that only he can see and hearts that beat with a rhythm of only he can hear.

 

 

Watches liquid of pieces of him float across the wooden, stealing air and warmth and the will to fucking _live_ along with it.

 

 

Stares at a macabre image of gore that reflects in his eyes alone and tells Meredith that he's fine.

 

 

He's lying.

 

 

Reed laughs in a way that tells him they both know it. 

 

 

 

*

 

 

_He remembers meeting her._

_"You_ _can call me Izzie", she said._

_Let the syllables and breaths of puffy air steam out of her mouth and roll around, jumbling between his ribs and lungs and other clumps of tissue he can't recall the name of because she's smiling._

_White and bright._

_Full and overflowing._  


 

_"Okay, Izzie."_

_His reply came with a courteous hand and a smirk that reeked of flirting and bad boys and whatever else she could dream of at the moment. Cocked his head just for added measure._

_"I'm Alex."_

 

 

*

 

 

He reckons that's it's just been Reed and him that have been torn and wrenched and thrown to the side, ragdolls limp in the air.

 

 

He knows this because, despite his pleading, her unblinking eyes still stare back as the world reels around him.

 

 

He once watched his blood mix with the puddle of pulverized skull and crimson rivers that surrounded her head.

 

 

Watched and watched and stared and watched until the elevator doors closed and effectively sealed off pieces of him on the other side.

 

 

Blood and bits of resolves he's sure he'll never get back.

 

 

*

 

 

_He's thinking of her when everything goes straight to hell._

_He's thinking of small curves and wide, full smiles and bright blonde's and how she tasted on his lips._

_He's thinking of an infinite everything when a bullet tears through his rib and he's falling and then all he thinks is "well, fuck"._

 

 

 

*

 

 

He'd like to tell Meredith to screw off. 

 

 

To go mother someone else.

 

 

To stop using him as an alternative for the babies she'll never get to meet thanks to a malfunction uterus that's the very least of their problems.

 

 

He'd like to tell Meredith a lot of things, but...

 

 

But nothing.

 

 

He lacks the oxygen needed for his lungs to finish the protest.

 

 

He has none

 

 

*

 

 

_He'd like to tell Izzie that he loves her._

 

_That he loves the way a dimple forms every time she smiles.  
_

 

_Loves the way she can be cute and hot at the same damn time._

 

_He wants to tell Izzie, and he does._

 

_He tells her with a thousand kisses that tastes like forever, like each kiss will grant them a thousand more._

 

_He'd like to tell Izzie._

 

_But she's gone before he can._

 

 

 

*

 

 

It's Tuesday night.

 

 

Cold sleet and black roads, grey ice and scar tissue that never fades.

 

 

Broken dreams and nightmares that send him howling in the wind.

 

 

Drowning in black, screwed up beyond his wildest dreams.

 

 

Blood and unblinking eyes and blood and silence.

 

 

Cold and numbed.

 

 

*

 

 

_It's a Friday morning._

 

_Red, hot pungent skin and knees rubbed shiny raw._

 

_Her tongue on his teeth, a smile on his lips and tender hands in his hair._

 

_Pure ecstasy._

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

 

Lexie whispers through salt water begging, tries to shut him up.

 

 

Promises that everything will be okay.

 

 

Even with his ribs on fire, and his synapses screaming and screaming, he knows that it's a lie.

 

 

(But if he lets her face blur behind the saltwater waterfall he pretends isn't falling down his face, for one second, just one second, she almost looks like....)

 

 

 

*

 

 

 

 _"_ _I want you to go and be happy and not come back."_

 

_His words sat heavy in the air between them, a command neither of them wanted to listen to._

 

_She leaves anyway._

 

_And he doesn't get to tell her he was lying._

**Author's Note:**

> Alrighty then. 
> 
> Well, what did you think?


End file.
